Fortuna velut Luna
by Mystik Surreality
Summary: It's the night they reach Zanarkand... and Yuna is having second thoughts. Song-fic to Enigma's Gravity of Love.


**

Fortuna velut Luna  
A songfic to Enigma's Gravity of Love.

**  
  
AN:: This is an introspective Yuna fic to Gravity of Love. I got the name from the Latin that's being chanted in the background of the song, lol. It means Fortune of the Moon. ^_^ Anyway, enjoy. This takes place sometime between when they first reach the peak of Gagazet and when they enter the trials. Let's just say they DID stop for the night.  
  
Disclaimer:: I don't own anything expect my shirt... my pants... and this half empty can of Pepsi... These are my mom's socks. O.o  
  


~~*~~  
  


**O Fortuna velut Luna,  
O Fortuna velut Luna**  
  
The night air was cool, but not too chill on the small summoner's arms. She rubbed her arms more to try to awaken a sense of herself than out of any need for warmth. Her eyes were distant as she stared over the ledge down at Zanarkand below.  
  
She wasn't looking at anything specific, but her mind was filling the visual gap. She could see the city that never slept, in her mind's eye, and she was entranced.   
  
And yet horribly sad.   
  
**

Turn around and smell what you don't see  
Close your eyes- it's so clearl

**  
  
She was avoided her own mind this way, and a moment later she realized it. She had to think, she had to reassure herself that she was on the right path.   
  
Was she? She turned her head slightly to the side and glanced down at her ring. Absentmindedly she fiddled with it.   
Was she doing the right thing after all? She had always wanted to defeat Sin... but things had changed since her pilgrimage began. She loved her guardians... some in different ways than others.   
  
She wasn't sure she wanted to give that up.  
  
**

Here's the mirror, behind there is a screen   
On both ways you can get in

**  
  
With a sigh she fell to her back. The sky above was dark, as it would be at night, but balls of light floated gently on the wind.   
  
A large, round moon hung low in the sky. It seemed to reflect back all her thoughts, drowning her. She closed her eyes to the sight.   
  
Why was a choice like this so hard?  
  
Maybe, she finally decided, because she didn't know the right answer.  
  
**

Don't think twice before you listen to your heart  
Follow the trace for a new start

**  
  
Yuna finally stood. She needed to get some sleep, she told herself. But she knew sleep was a goal that was far from her grasp this night.  
  
What did she honestly believe? She didn't know.  
  
She knew that her guardians... her friends would grieve her death. Some understood her outward devotion, others suspected her inner battle to march towards her death.   
  
But it wasn't death that scared her. Her own life had never mattered much to her. As long as others were happy, but this time there was others depending on her to live to stay happy.   
  
Her mind was clouded, and her heart seemed to be confused as to what the question was. She needed some trace, some semblance of hope or clarity.   
  
Something...  
  
Anything.  
  
**

What you need and everything you'll feel   
Is just a question of the deal

**  
  
She drifted back towards the makeshift camp. The others were asleep, she knew. They were peacefully dreaming of places far off, of the future perhaps.   
  
A future... something she didn't have if she chose to go on. But was her future worth the lives that would be lost if she didn't stop Sin.   
  
She would die, but many would live. It seemed an easy equation.   
  
But the thoughts weren't clear in her mind, anymore. Not since... *he* came along.  
  
**

In the eye of the storm  
You'll see a lonely dove

**  
  
Her mind whirled around until she hit her knees. She felt so alone, all of a sudden. She was trapped in the storm of her mind.  
  
She was suddenly terrified. She felt like the only person on Spira, and that was unnerving. If there was no one else to consider, would she fight Sin? Yes, definitely, she knew.  
  
So it wasn't her at all, it was the others.  
  
She shook her head to clear it a bit.   
  
**

The experience of survival  
Is the key to the gravity of love

**  
  
She sat on her knees as the night began to lighten a bit. And her mind was carried to the camp, gracing each person who slept there.   
  
Lulu and Wakka... her protective older siblings of all but blood. They'd been with her since she'd come to Besaid.   
  
Kimarhi... always her loyal protector... always her friend.   
  
Rikku... her cousin... the only connection Yuna had to her mother's people. Rikku might grieve the most... but she'd be fine. Lu and Wakka would take care of that, right?   
  
Sir Auron.... her father's guardian, honoring her by being her own. He seemed so strong... as he always had to her. He would be fine without her.   
  
**

O Fortuna velut luna  
O fortuna velut luna

**  
  
Yes, they'd be fine without her, she assured herself.   
  
She was Spira's hope... Spira's light. She had to fight Sin to bring about the calm, right?   
  
She looked above to the full moon, with it's gentle silver light. And she felt a tear run down her face.   
  
If she'd decided, then why was she crying?  
  
**

The path of excess   
Leads to the tower of wisdom

**  
  
She held her head.   
  
There was one more person to consider. The star player of the Zanerkand Abes... the only person who'd ever truly made her question her decision to fight Sin.  
  
She knew she loved him. But was it selfish to not want to die, because she was in love?   
  
She sat on a rock to think.   
  
Lady Yunalesca had defeated Sin.... and her only guardian had been her husband. They had to have been in love.  
  
Her own father, however, had waited until after her mother's death. Yuna rested her chin on her hands. But he'd had her, though. And she knew that he'd loved her.   
  
**

The path of excess  
Leads to the tower of wisdom

**  
  
But that was the love of a daughter, not a wife. Was there a difference? Of course, she knew there was. But why cause that much pain to anyone?  
  
She sighed. She wasn't even sure that Tidus loved her, and she was worried about leaving him behind. Maybe he'd just come the whole way to try and find a way home...   
  
Sure, he'd acted like a good guardian, but did he really mean what he said?   
  
**

Try to think about it ...  
That's the chance to live your life and discover   
What it is, what's the gravity of love

**  
  
Yuna had to smirk. How did she know what she was feeling for Tidus was love? She wasn't exactly sure what it felt like to love someone.  
  
Of course, she could be. Tidus was nice, and cute, too. He was noble and a great fighter. Funny...  
  
She stopped herself there. If she didn't love Tidus, this should be easy to do.   
  
But she wanted to know what love was... whether that's what she felt or not. And if she fought Sin... she'd never know. She was suddenly overcome with the urge to live her own life for awhile.   
  
She'd followed the path of the summoner all her life, against the wishes of those who'd grown up with her.   
  
**

O fortuna velut luna  
O fortuna velut luna

**  
  
Love... who was she kidding. She was a summoner, and it was her duty to fight Sin. She had to.   
  
She had hope that her's might be the life that finally killed Sin forever.   
  
**

Look around just people, can you hear their voice  
Find the one who'll guide you to the limits of your choice 

**  
  
Would Tidus agree with her new courage, new determination to kill Sin? Probably not, but if he did, she'd be more upset. The others would follow her, and never protest. Except mentally, of course. That was inevitable. Well, Rikku wouldn't, either, Yuna had to allot.   
  
But she would defeat Sin, and she could only hope for the Eternal Calm.  
  
But even ten years was worth her sacrifice, she told herself.   
  
She only had to wonder if that was true.   
  
**

But if you're in the eye of the storm   
Just think of the lonely dove

**  
  
As she walked back towards the camp, she had to force her polite smile on her face. She wasn't as sure as she could have hoped, but she knew where her fate was leading her.  
  
She was Spira's hope, she had no room to love.   
  
She was alone.  
  
**

The experience of survival  
Is the key to the gravity of love

**  
  
"Yuna? What are you doing up?"  
  
She placed her mask, a smile, on her face. "Nothing..."   
  



End file.
